CONFESSION: I Didn’t Realize How Tired I Was

I think the hardest part was that I looked fine.

I was getting things done. I was showing up. I was still handling everything, so I kept telling myself I was okay.

But I wasn’t really okay.

I was just getting through it.

And because nothing had completely fallen apart, I didn’t think I had a reason to slow down.

That’s probably where I got myself in trouble.

Every time I felt drained, I made it mean something about me.

Every time I felt drained, I somehow turned it into a problem with me.

I’d tell myself to snap out of it, get more organized, stop dragging.

Looking back, I wasn’t lacking discipline. I was already stretched thin.

It’s strange how easy it is to miss that when you’re used to pushing through.

You can be exhausted and still answer the phone.

You can still go to work, take care of people, keep appointments, make dinner, do all the things that make everyone assume you’re fine.

And after a while, even you start believing it.

I think that’s what happened to me.

I got so used to carrying everything that I stopped noticing how heavy it felt.

Then little things started getting to me more than they should.

I wanted more quiet.

I had less patience.

Some days I just wanted nobody to need anything from me for a minute.

And I still had the nerve to call myself lazy.

That part really gets me now.

I wasn’t lazy.

I was just worn out.

There’s a difference.

And I wish I had realized it sooner, because I spent way too much time trying to fix myself when what I really needed was to admit that I was tired.

Not weak or failing..

Just tired.

And maybe that’s the truth more of us need to say out loud.